I’ve been doing some cleaning and organizing and purging of stuff around the house. During this process, I have found old letters between Jon and I. I’ve read some journal entries of a particularly rough patch in our marriage. I had forgotten some details of that time. Mostly, we had a good marriage. We loved deeply. Which makes the last several months of his life so confusing and frustrating. I don’t get to have some questions answered so I won’t get closure I want so much.
I’m taking a writing class right now and I’ve had to go back in time a bit to recall details of different life events. It hasn’t always been easy. I realize I’ve stayed busy enough to not dwell on the sadness of missing Jon. I understand why some people decide to not ever talk about a loved one that has died. It hurts. It hurts more to pretend they weren’t ever here, so I’ll keep thinking about Jon. I’ll keep taking about him. And I’ll keep crying over him. And I’ll forever be glad he was mine for a while.
