Tattoo

I had never wanted a tattoo before Jon died, but suddenly I wanted a permanent reminder of him with me always. I had plans of getting Jon's logo tattooed on my body at some point. I made some temporary ones and tried them out in different places and decided where to put it. I met with an artist and made an appointment.

Jon's logo his brother designed for him

Then came some of my angry phase and I wanted a tattoo that was for me and not for Jon. I kept seeing images of lotus flowers and reading about their symbolism. Its roots are in mud, and it blooms in murky water. It represents overcoming hardships, and opening to the divine within you. There are lots of meanings and symbols actually, and I enjoyed learning about them all. I looked at loads of images of lotus flowers and decided on one that really spoke to me. In the image, there were a few dots above and below the flower. I decided I wanted one dot above for Jon and three below for me and the boys. I scheduled this tattoo before the other one and headed in to get it done.

Holy smokes!! I have had 2 babies with no pain meds but this was such a different kind of pain, and I didn't do well with it. I started to lose my hearing. My vision was going dark. I started sweating from every pore. In my mind, I kept saying to myself "Come back, Betsy. Come back." It didn't really work. The guy stopped for a bit and I noticed another gal had come over too. She said "I'm going to get you some water and candy." The artist asked if I had eaten that morning and I assured him I had. I looked over at my arm and I could see that he had a little more to do. I rested for a few minutes and felt myself getting back to normal. He finished up and I didn't black out again but I may have if it went on much longer. I'm really really happy with it, but now I can't go through with the other one. It would have been in an even more sensitive spot, so I know I would have trouble again. And Jon is still represented in the dot closest to my heart. Always with me.

After it healed for a bit, I let my friend color it in which was so fun. I have plans to color it in for different holidays or events. I love coloring so now I always have a coloring page with me.